Thursday, 25 October 2007
A Classic, a Snooze, or a Turn-Off?
posted @11:34 a.m. by Richard Kelly
I like a public speaker who's prepared to take on his audience, and such was the combative demeanour of Steve Rutherford at Sunday night's Listmania! contest, with his list of ‘Ten films that failed the ten-minute test'. As Steve recited the many great and much-loved movies he had found to be not worth his time, the shrieks and groans of the audience in hearing their favourites so traduced seemed only to embolden him further. That's the spirit...
STEVE RUTHERFORD'S LIST
Hi everyone. My list is entitled ‘Ten films that failed the ten minute test’. By this I mean I either switched off the film or fell into a deep sleep within the first 10 minutes.
#10. Every boys childhood favourite, the original 'Star Wars' movie. As a kid I tried to watch this film just about every time it was on TV and never could get past the desert scene. I gave it another try recently and the same thing happened. Lots of random aliens walking in front of the camera, two annoying robots and some slapstick humour. It failed to engage me and so I turned it off.
9. The film that originally inspired the 10 minute test and possibly the worst monster movie of all time – 'Lake Placid'. It's atrocious – not so bad that it’s good but just really, really dreadful – plot, effects, dialogue, all terrible. Given a toss up between cleaning the flat and watching the rest of the movie, cleaning won.
8. A film about the struggle of the working man: 'Glengarry Glen Ross'. I simply found this far too depressing. Lots of rain as I recall and estate agents being shouted at for not selling enough property. Maybe the plot turned up a little later in the film but I switched it off.
7. The winner of the Palme D’Or in 1960, Fellini’s 'La Dolce Vita'. I loved the opening scene with the statue of Jesus being airlifted across Rome but I didn’t relate to the subsequent scenes of a hedonistic city. A journalist wanders about a bit, goes for a drive in a car with a wealthy woman and gives a prostitute a lift home. I really wanted 'Roman Holiday' – clean wholesome Rome with Audrey Hepburn on a Vespa. In the end, there were lots of soothing Italian voices and not much happening so I drifted off to sleep on the sofa.
6. A 1957 film that later inspired 'Sleepless in Seattle': 'An Affair to Remember' with Deborah Kerr and Cary Grant. The problem with the film is Kerr’s complete lack of sex appeal. For me she makes a great teacher in 'The King and I' but watching 'An Affair to Remember' it just seemed entirely unlikely that Cary Grant would fall for her, however long they spent on an oceangoing liner. There was nowhere near as much chemistry as with, say, Bogie and Bacall and so possibly 7 minutes into the film I turned it off.
5. Over to France for 'Three Colours Red'. I think my problem here may have been that for some time I thought that the first colour in the French flag was Red and so I started with this film rather than, as it turned out, the two films in the trilogy that preceded it. Camerawork and music were lovely but I couldn't entirely work out what was going on and so gave up. Maybe I will give this one another go.
4. A film that should have starred Grace Kelly, Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby but didn’t: 'The Philadelphia Story'. This may well be an excellent film in isolation but with 'High Society' as a favourite of mine it was always unlikely that it would pass the ten minute test. Katherine Hepburn just isn't as beautiful or as elegant as Grace Kelly, and Cary Grant and James Stewart just seem wrong somehow. My main reason for switching this one off, however, is that there were no songs for me to sing along to and Louis Armstrong didn’t appear.
3. A film about the journey of a medieval knight across a plague-ridden Swedish landscape: 'The Seventh Seal'. I don't think I could take this movie very seriously because of a) Terry Pratchett's competing portrayal of Death, b) the Swedish narrator's voice which reminded me of the chef from the muppets and c) the dramatic music. It's also very long - well, maybe it isn't but every time I woke up the narrator was still going, as was the discordant music.
2. 'Bonjour Tristesse'. This is the tale of a tortured young woman who has a pseudo-incestuous relationship with her father during a traumatic summer in France. A recipe for success I thought but then... nothing, or at least nothing of any interest happens. And so, with the dialogue rumbling on in the background I snuggled down in NFT 1 and went to sleep, dreaming of a sun-drenched French Riviera.
1. A film that was recently voted the best American film of all time by the American Film Institute. It was also voted best film of all time in a BFI survey of film directors. Winner of an academy award for best screenplay, nominated for another 8 and directed by Orson Welles, my number 1 film to switch off before 10 minutes is 'Citizen Kane'. In summary: very clever use of imagery and innovative for its time, but 10 minutes in and no clear story has emerged. It starts with a castle, some monkeys, dead Mr Kane and then an incredibly pompous voice begins reeling off a seemingly endless list of events in the man's life. After 10 minutes I concluded that, as with all of the films in this list, life is just too short, and so I switched over to 'A Question of Sport'.
Comments
I think this was my favourite list of the night. It made me laugh - probably too loudly. Audacious and very very funny.
Steve Rutherford is just not a cinema guy. Sorry Steve, but I think you need to burn in HELL!!! I shouldn't even waste my time responding to you... you are just WRONG WRONG WRONG. I'm trying not to get angry but I think you should just go do us all a favor and go hang yourself. I would love to run you off this site. Listen buckaroo you do NOT pick on Star Wars, the greatest film ever and Citizen Kane the second best film of all time. Glengarry....what??? to quote Pacino..."you F....n Child". Steve just Die would you please......Next!!
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